My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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