Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
