Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
the liver wants what the liver wants
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Enjoy the penises
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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