that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
