if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
These tits shall not be calmed
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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