i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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