I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
