went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
