I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize