dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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