After last night, I could never be a politician.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
