so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
