i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
