Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
