Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
