I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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