I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
