btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
