also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
