i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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