If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
