I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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