i permit you to call me
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Who died my cat blue again?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
