im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
