I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
