this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
