Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
