So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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