It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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