she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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