just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
