so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
