We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize