Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
