im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
false alarm, still single
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
