My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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