I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
