I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
