Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
