Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
