Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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