Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Can i not drive my cunt home
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
