i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
