Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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