I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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