none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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