Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
