I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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