How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize