note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
