omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
