I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Come see our sink grown plant.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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