There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
