I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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