yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
