I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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