if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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