I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
