The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
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