I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
