he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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