Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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