My room smells like vodka and shame
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
