we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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