she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
