At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
