so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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