beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
