I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
