theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
