Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I think i got beer on your cat.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
