Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
