it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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