If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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