Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
