dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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