It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
