he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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