i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Randomize
