Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
