Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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