I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
