Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
