If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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