Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
